Deep Blue Ocean

Warm welcome people! I wish for all of y'all's happiness today and hope today brings something good in your life. So, I wrote a poem last week and I was puzzled whether to post right now or post it next week. And I decided to finally post it today. 

Context- 

If you know me, you know I have always wanted to write as openly as I can. This poem is sort of special for me and it is actually one of those very vulnerable pieces where you don't see the writer's imprint in the poem but rather you see yourself in it. I am very open about mental health and will always be. This poem is in regard of the struggle someone on this planet is making it through while you busy yourself in reading this poem. 

Mental health is very real and a very fragile thing to talk about. More importantly, all I want from my readers is to be kind to one another. This poem is personal because I somewhere felt exactly like this when I was 14. 

Thank you for taking your time out and reading this blog and especially this poem. I appreciate it. And now you can go ahead and read the poem!

Deep Blue Ocean  

Everyday I rise from my bed
only to draw the blinds
that allow the sunlight through them,
against my will.

Everyday I count hours
wishing the sun to go back to it's cave,
while I recoil under my blanket
withdrawn from the world.

In the dead of the night
when even sleep abandons me,
I think of all the mistakes I committed,
all the times I have been a disappointment.

In the middle of meals
I can't put a spoonful in my mouth
for the fear it would poison me enough
to dream about hope again.

Everyday I think that I am trying
to push past the guilt and shame.
A need,
almost a compulsion hovers around me
like a deep blue cloud.

The desperate need to pull this dagger
out of my chest, break all the ties,
to finally dive and drown in the sea
once and for all.

Every time I feel like I am trying,
it just never feels enough
to stop the throbbing pain in my chest,
to destroy the lump in my throat.

I have fought with the vast ocean
since the day it celebrated my arrival.
But I am losing everything now,
and finally succumbing myself to the ocean.

Everyday I rise from my bed
only to draw the blinds.

 

     -  Some Fries. Some Poetry

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