A Scruffy Tunnel [The Breakdown]
A
Scruffy Tunnel [The Breakdown]
Walking past the trees,
on the scruffy road,
which lead me to nowhere,
I felt my breath,
trapped in my throat,
my stomach knotted,
tripped on my steps,
and my head,
was a blurry haze of thoughts.
[This stanza talks about how I was walking on a scruffy
road with this constant feeling of anxiousness. ‘I felt my breath....haze of
thoughts’ signifies anxiety. Also, the imagery I used here is not as simple as
it might appear. The road I am walking on is not actually a road but a school corridor.
I am walking anxiously in the school corridor.]
I sat at a bench,
near a tree
to avoid the gaze of everyone around.
Hours flew by,
turned into days.
Each minute that passed by,
made me feel more invisible,
so, I allowed myself to breathe.
[This stanza is about me entering a classroom and
sitting right in the front because I want to avoid the gaze of the others, this
constant feeling of anxiety had me thinking like everyone is judging me so I
have got to avoid their eyes in order to be at peace. Now, in the last three
lines, there is a release from the grip of anxiety as you can feel. I sat in
front and it made me less noticeable to people because I did not actively
become a part of their crowd. So, I allow myself to breathe and be free of my
anxious thoughts.]
After a string of cloudy days,
I could finally breathe,
without loosing it,
in the middle of somewhere.
[This stanza is an extension of what I already talked
about in the previous one. I could finally breathe after days of anxious
thoughts all around in my head.]
Found a car,
I abandoned two years ago,
overwhelmed by the memories of the
good old times,
I spent in it,
I accepted it as mine once again.
[The car in this stanza signifies the regaining of my
confidence. “I accepted it as mine again” signifies the fact that maybe
this confidence can be an illusion this time, maybe I am trying be tough on the
outside. This is why that line was super relevant when I wrote this poem.]
Riding my very own car,
overtaken by the triumph,
I felt in the moment,
I did not notice,
that I was approaching,
the end of a tunnel.
[Here I talk about how I am riding in my own confidence
and I am happy in this space. No more anxious thoughts are given importance in
my head. But as I get comfortable in the school I realize that it’s almost
over. The school/tunnel ends.]
Bewildered,
I thought,
why there's no light at the end of this tunnel?
In spite of myself,
I kept driving,
there was no time to pause now.
[I am clueless where to go after this tunnel ends. What
does my future hold? But I still kept driving, kept moving forward.]
Soon I found myself,
in another tunnel.
I felt my breath,
trapped in my throat,
my stomach knotted,
fumbled with the gear,
panic rose in my chest.
[I kept driving and I found myself in another tunnel or the university life. Here again, because I have to start from scratch, I felt trapped in my anxiety once again.]
In this dark tunnel,
out of nowhere,
a bright light pierced my vision,
I gave into the panic,
lost the balance,
hit my head on the steering wheel,
with a bang.
Everything went still.
I woke up from what felt like,
an eternity,
only to discover,
I was surrounded with dirt,
every inch of me covered in it.
[Here in these two previous stanzas I talk about certain
moments which have been harming to my reputation and my self respect. ‘I was
surrounded with dirt’ tells a tale of being stuck in the dirt without actually
having the intention to do it. I was just surrounded by dirt whether I took
part in it or I didn’t.]
I shrieked in agony,
cried till I ran out of breath.
Minutes passed by,
but I couldn't stop,
tearing up at the thought of being stuck here, forever.
[This stanza talks about my thinking of being in loop
or being stuck here forever. I couldn’t find a way out of this, how to clean
myself off the dirt?]
I took a deep breath,
tried starting the car,
but it gave up on me.
I got down the car,
and found that the dirt is all over the place.
[But then, In order to get out I have to keep moving
forward and making progress. So I try to boost my confidence and it gives up on
me like it did sometime ago in the past. With a lack of car, I was determined
to walk through the path. Point here to be noted was, I was still able to walk
without having the illusion of confidence with me. I was still strong. ]
I started walking, again.
And felt my breath,
trapped in my throat,
my stomach knotted,
tripped on my steps,
my head hung between my shoulders.
[The anxiety makes a return here.]
Didn't see the tunnel ending,
or the light at the end of it,
Still,
I kept walking,
shredding the dirt off me,
like a snake,
shreds it's skin.
Now,
I am walking past the dirt,
inside the scruffy tunnel,
which, I know,
is leading to nowhere.
[I did not see the tunnel/university life/traumatic
event ending. I did not see any green light of this particular event ending but
I was shredding the dirt off me as I kept walking. And now I am moving past the
dirt inside the tunnel- university life continues and it is leading me to
nowhere significant.]
Thank YOU
for reading. This is a very vulnerable poem. I hope you enjoyed the whole break
down of it. Love to each of my reader.
-Some
Fries. Some Poetry
Follow @somefries.somepoetry on Instagram.
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